Exercise 2 "My Before and After Scenarios"

Warning: Dirty Laundry!!!
Not really...
I made a commitment to post my deepest and darkest secrets (which may contain some crude language) when writing this blog. However, I have made severe changes as this blog is not intended to hurt anybody because it is mainly about the three most important people in this article (me, myself, and I). And of course to those that find my entries helpful or resourceful to your own life.
I also want to clarify some things before I continue that the reason I chose to be mad at my husband is because he is an easy target. He is actually a very loving man - a big hairy gorilla one might say... it's just so much easier to pick on those that you love and know will love you unconditionally, though I will not take our relationship for granted. The truth is just so much more difficult to admit (I would have included the word "many" in that sentence but I don't think it will fit).
The first part of the exercise consists of an emotional scenario that bothered me also known as "before" or emotionally overwhelmed. Please note this is not my original piece (and I am really not on the political spectrum):

"One situation that comes to mind is when Obama became president. The world is going to end. He is such an idiot. I F*&^*&^g hate him!!! Why the hell does he stutter every other word when he talks??? I-I-I c-c-can't und-d-d-derstand what y-y-you are s-s-saying!!! P-p-p-lease speak-k-k Eng--lish!!!"

Whew! Boy did that feel good!
Now for the second part of the exercise, which starts out the same, however this time, writing with the knowledge of emotional management skills (the three C's) also known as "after" or managing emotional situations skillfully.
"One situation that comes to mind is when Obama became president. Although he wasn't my first choice for president, I was disappointed and sad but I wasn't surprised. I watched his state of the union address the other night and turned it off when I realized I couldn't stay focused on his speech. His speaking bothers me but I have to realize that he will just keep on talking regardless of how I feel. That gave me some time to floss before going to bed."
That felt even better.

Journal Entry #1: The 3 C's of Managing Emotions

So I discussed the 3 C's of emotion management with my husband this morning and the significance of each one to teach our daughter. Not long after our discussion, he dressed her and squeezed her oversized head through a turtleneck half her size. This made her cry and fuss at him. I immediately took advantage of this opportunity to teach her the 3 C's, which is "consciousness, clarity, and coherence." I tried to help her become conscious or aware of the situation by saying (in Mandarin), "You are crying and seem unhappy." She got louder. Then I clarified the situation by saying, "Daddy put on your shirt and it smushed your nose. Didn't it?" She continued to cry and pointed at him. Before I could move on to the last step, my husband says, "She doesn't have any of her C's," and we moved on to the next thing by putting on her pants and socks. She swatted her hands a few times and eventually stopped crying.
Frequently and throughout the day, I ponder about this morning's event and wonder where the communication broke down. Was it healthy for her feelings to be disregarded so quickly? Am I being paranoid that my child may end up being emotionally suppressed because her father has so little patience in the morning? Does he do the same thing when dealing with me when Hurricane Michelle (yes, that is me) hits our town home? Am I overdoing it on the whole feelings thing?
And I suppose the real question is: Is it better to teach our children to toughen up and to learn to deal in challenging situations through the Daddy tactic or the Mommy tactic?

Exercise 1 "The Wishlist"

I found a book titled Writing for Emotional Balance by Beth Jacobs, PH.D. over the weekend at Barnes and Noble while my husband and I were on our "date night" without our two year old (my mom took her to see a Jackie Chan movie). It caught my attention mainly because I am tired of constantly being mad at my husband. I noticed there are 8 chapters in this book and in good faith while I focus on a chapter each week... I will be more appreciative of him in 8 weeks! Dream on, Hubby.

After reading about 10 pages of this book, I already feel validated that emotions or feelings (this can be used interchangeably) are doing their job to protect us, inform our decision making, connect us with other people, and give us richness and texture when well regulated. I suppose I'm okay feeling some resentment and anger every now and then. It is when emotions are dysregulated... that is when I start to fly off the handle.

The following first exercise focus on several emotional management skills known as my personal wish list. "Emotionally, I wish I was capable of..."

1. Keeping my sense of humor
2. Not getting so worked up (i.e. hitting the wall and slamming the cabinets in the kitchen even though it feels so good, cursing and name calling which usually makes me feel like crap)
3. Letting go of bad feelings from my past (this is the most challenging of all... I finally forgave my mom for something she did 15 years ago)
4. Not always reacting to my "husband's behavior, thoughts, and/or comments" (this is "fill in the blank")
   
5. Calming myself down
6. Stopping my thoughts from becoming repetitive and destructive when I'm upset (does Beth know me?)
7. Holding onto progress I make emotionally

Just an FYI to my dear readers, the list does not end here but 7 goals in 8 weeks seem more than I can handle right now. Let's proceed...