So I discussed the 3 C's of emotion management with my husband this morning and the significance of each one to teach our daughter. Not long after our discussion, he dressed her and squeezed her oversized head through a turtleneck half her size. This made her cry and fuss at him. I immediately took advantage of this opportunity to teach her the 3 C's, which is "consciousness, clarity, and coherence." I tried to help her become conscious or aware of the situation by saying (in Mandarin), "You are crying and seem unhappy." She got louder. Then I clarified the situation by saying, "Daddy put on your shirt and it smushed your nose. Didn't it?" She continued to cry and pointed at him. Before I could move on to the last step, my husband says, "She doesn't have any of her C's," and we moved on to the next thing by putting on her pants and socks. She swatted her hands a few times and eventually stopped crying.
Frequently and throughout the day, I ponder about this morning's event and wonder where the communication broke down. Was it healthy for her feelings to be disregarded so quickly? Am I being paranoid that my child may end up being emotionally suppressed because her father has so little patience in the morning? Does he do the same thing when dealing with me when Hurricane Michelle (yes, that is me) hits our town home? Am I overdoing it on the whole feelings thing?
And I suppose the real question is: Is it better to teach our children to toughen up and to learn to deal in challenging situations through the Daddy tactic or the Mommy tactic?
My first thought was that your child was emphasizing her feelings because you were acknowledging them--as though you were giving her permission to feel those feelings and she was making her emotions bigger in response of being conscious and then clear about her feelings. I was expecting to see that once you did the third C that she would resolve her feelings and not feel the need to express the hurt anymore. But it seems that daddy may have been feeling accused for causing the distress in his child and tried to stop the distress to stop his uncomfortable feelings. (No offense intended to Daddy!) So my suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing and also offer support to Daddy that you and your child don't blame him for what he did, but that you were just trying to help your child understand and express her feelings in a healthy way.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking that was why she was crying louder when I was talking with her... I think Daddy will understand. Thanks for the support and comment :)
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