Exercise 13: Stream of Consciousness

If only I listened to my own blog or applied any these exercises to my life, I would not feel the way I do now. That's right, I'm a hypocrite. And I don't care if anybody is out there reading this - it's not like anybody does anyway. I write for myself. I read my blogs. The only thing I don't do is apply it. That's right, I am having an emotional breakdown while writing for emotional balance.

So what happened in the last couple of days? Does anybody care? Well, I am going to write about it anyway. Stress is eating me up. Our condo is still on the market, and our "house" will close in two weeks. I have nothing packed. I quit cooking. I started smoking. Okay, I made that up. And you know why? It's because I started lying. That's right. I lied. I stress and I worry so I lie. I didn't want my husband to try to take control of things his way so I lied to him so he would just mind his business. And that's not even the worst part. He caught me. He believed me until he realized I wasn't where I said I was. I mean I didn't think it through. I thought I had it covered, and he caught me in my lie. I suck at lying. Then he brought up the whole trust issue. That's when I figured out trust is not just about the one who was lied to but the one that is doing the lying. I lied to him because I didn't trust he would make the right decision. He still trusts me even though he says he can't. He is saying that because he is hurt. I am not hurt. I have trust issues and that hurts him. And the irony of it all, is that I would feel hurt if he really stopped trusting me. WTF?!
Stream of consciousness is writing whatever comes through your mind for an allotted amount of time (five minutes is recommended) without stopping. The purpose is to release any emotion that may be stuck. When the inhibitions are removed, the freedom to express takes place. Don't worry about punctuations, spelling, capitalization, etc. Just write.