Exercise 10: Layers of Feelings

Like peeling an onion to get the to its core, you have to start on the surface of your emotional experiences in order to define your emotional pattern. Onions make most people cry so even though many like the taste, the same do not like to chop onions. I know this because I love to cook. And I love to eat. And furthermore, I hate to chop onions. Same thing when it comes to facing the core of our emotional patterns. Therefore, it is easy to get in an emotional rut. So what is the difference? Duh, one is an onion!

Exercise 10 will assist you to start peeling away at the surface with the hope that it will bring you to the core of your emotions that you nicely tucked away under its protective layers. It sounds worse than it really is. To start, you write about an overwhelming experience emotionally as a young adult or adolescent. Next, write about an overwhelming emotional experience as a school-age child. And last, write the earliest overwhelming experience you can remember. Here are my examples:

Emotionally overwhelming experience as an adolescent or a young adult:
I was 17 years old when my father was diagnosed with leukemia. The doctors said that it would be possible that he would die in two weeks. The realization that I would never see my father again words cannot describe. I love my dad. I wanted him to be around forever. I took it for granted that he would always be there. He was always healthy – never had a cold, and then he got sick. It was too soon. I didn’t want to face it. I wanted him to be there to walk me down the aisle when I got married. I wanted him to experience being a grandfather. I wanted him to be there forever. I was such a mess as a teenager. Why didn’t I just listen to my parents, take school seriously, and be more normal like the other kids? No, I wanted to “grow up” too quickly but I was so immature. My dad worried too much about me, and now he is dying.

Emotionally overwhelming experience as a school age child:
I had been “fighting” with my best friend for a couple of days giving her the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. I wanted to stop this stupid argument but didn’t know how and hoped that she would break the silence. Toward the end of the day, I got a note from her thinking it was a truce. I quickly opened it and read that she didn’t want to be my best friend anymore and had found another best friend. I know that I had been mean but didn’t expect this type of rejection. I was devastated. I skipped the last class and cried in the bathroom until my teacher found me. I still wanted to be friends with her but we didn’t stay friends after that.

Earliest memory of an emotionally overwhelming experience:
I wanted my mom to tuck me in bed and kept asking for her. My dad came in the room instead to tuck me in. He told me she was tired. I cried until I fell asleep. I didn’t want him. I wanted her. I did a lot of that when I was little - crying to sleep.

After this challenge, read it over and write one dominant emotion from each story. Here is mine:
 
Dominant emotion:
Young adult overwhelming feeling: Longing
School-age overwhelming feeling: Longing
Earliest overwhelming feeling: Longing

Mine just happens to be the same word but it does not have to be so for everyone. I wonder if I did it that way on purpose? It just seems way too easy. The interesting thing is that I have always found the needy characteristic in people very annoying, which I could have been avoiding my own neediness...