Exercise 9: Simplifying Your Emotions

Exercise 9 so far has been my favorite exercise and insightful to some of the behaviors of situations that I have been experiencing in the past two years. This section talks about primary and secondary emotions. Primary is the emotion you feel instantly, and secondary is your feeling about your initial feeling. Basically, primary emotion is necessary and has a purpose to inform, protect, or alert us. Secondary emotion is useless and could cloud over situations.

First, complete the sentence:

When [blank], I tend to feel [blank].

Then think of three people that have been critical of you including yourself (if you want) and write how you think they would criticize you:

[Name of person]: You (or I) shouldn't feel that way because [blank]. (repeat three times with a different person)

After completing this, cross out/delete/erase the last three paragraphs and only focus on the first sentence.

Here is my example:

When I find 3 gray pubic hairs down there, I tend to feel confused about my body.

Mother in law: You shouldn’t feel that because I don’t want you to get mad at me. I try so hard and it seems that I can’t do anything right.
Pastor: You shouldn't worry because you need to give your worries to God.
Me: I shouldn’t feel that way because I am not getting old. I am getting younger, dammit!

Okay so that may not have been the actual entry, but it could be true. Anyway, I like this exercise because it makes a lot of sense to my erratic behavior in the last two years. I had been dealing with the secondary emotions and have neglected my primary emotions. Though dealing with the primary emotion can be more challenging sometimes, it is definitely healthier.